so close. yet so far.

总觉得最近活得很没意义。
我知道自己的身体在思考，在凭直觉行动。
可是为什么还是无法让自己活出自我？
想哭， 可是哭不出。 =_=
想醉， 却怎么喝都醉不了。


为什么，明明近在眼前的东西。。
却怎么努力去抓也抓不到？

I cried.

how many.

how many fake smiles have i pulled?
how many forced laugh have i threw?
how many times have i lied to my own feelings?
how many times have i swallowed my hatred?
how many times have i said "oh im fine." when im actually deeply hurt?
how many times have i fell, but pretend as nothing has happened?
how many times have i been stab, but have to keep the prick in me?
how many times have i cried to myself?

i'll leave this blank..

Am i needed?
needed by who?
needed for what?
worthy for being needed?
allowed to be needed?