我可以哭吗？Orz

最近，好多事情在发生。
所谓一波未平， 一波又起。

我真的开始失控了。
我真的不知道该怎么做。

心里想的一切一切，该对谁说？
心里的挣扎， 要怎么去抚平？

别人有不开心时， 我都会用心去对待，用心去听。
一心只想着 “只要你觉得好些，什么都不重要”。
可是，当我失落时，“朋友” 们去了哪里？
平时是讲得很好听，　让我相信了。
可是当我最需要一双耳朵时，　我的存在却消失了。
最搞笑的是，　我在难过的时候竟然还会不自主地去协助他人！！OMG!! ==


有时我在想， “朋友” 这个字是不是变装了的“敌人”？
总觉得每个人都只在为自己的利益着想。
那我不就是全宇宙最笨的那个？






说真的，我好想痛痛快快地哭出来。
然后我就能继续加油。
可是我忘了要怎么哭了。

Empty..

recently, got hooked up with The Click Five's "Empty"..
sometimes it juz feels like this song sings it all..

有时真的会觉得自己好像与一切脱离， 可是又不知道为什么会这样。
只要排除一切不好的情绪， 剩下的就只有空洞。

i got really annoyed..

haha.. shelvin said i've been putting her name in my posts and honestly i didn't notice!! ^^V
i guess that really shows her great charisma. ^^
and now im going to put her name here again.. XD
i got carried away by 晓薇的动力.. and things became easy for a short while..
but just moments ago i got really annoyed..==

dad says he's gonna bring us to shanghai for the expo.
but i said i didn't want to.

bcoz exams are drawing closer.. and i had the chance to be a compere in the english singing competition. people are expecting me for the 1st time and i was so looking forward to it.
but 5 minutes ago i was told that my flight ticket was booked and i have no choice but to go.
its really mind blowing.
i stated it clear that i didn't want to go.
but now how do you explain this??
does that mean you don't respect my feelings at all?
you said you've talked to me about this , yeah like that's true.
even if you did so, i reminded you that i didn't want to go yet you still booked my ticket, forcing me to go.. is this even fair??!!

i can understand that the expo comes in really rare, but my secondary school life comes only ONCE in a lifetime!!
telling me craps like " studying at home would be fine as well..", " its only for a few days.."
dang! then why did i had to go to school in the 1st place?
i might as well did home schooling!!

plus you sounded like its nothing , like i'll tolerate with you and do whatever you say. like hell i would .
and you even tried to throw your temper on me using my reasons for not going?
im not a robot born to obey orders!!


now what am i supposed to do...

Anger?

after seeing shelvin's comment i had the urge to come here again. lolx.
but juz moments ago. there's was an explosion between mah parents. ==
they argued and argued and argued and argue.. ( u get the point..)

then i really felt fed up.
you are actually fighting over the smallest thing in the world that shud be tolerated. ==
who knew that u 2 were the ones who told me not to get angry easily. WTH..

then, someone appeared in my mind.
there was this friend of mine, a friend who was once real close to me.
we started knowing each other since January.

we got close eventually.
helping each other out and sharing joy and hard times.
there was a lot of good time.
times which i cherish alot.

but then in an incident which i had totally no clue about.
we started to become like strangers.

there was once when we were trying to sort things out with the organizer of the inter futsal competition.
they way they do things was just too much.
so i decided to act like i was angry.
because i know the PIC dun really talk sense when things are pointed to him.

since then , we became stranger-like.

after asking a few times i was told that my temper was bad.
at 1st i was confused and started thinking what was the problem. and then i started to be more aware of my own temper lo.
i was taught to not get angry easily again.

and ever since, we din really talked. more like i tried to talk but all i got was an empty reply.
when i ask about the reasons why this happened, all i got was " you wouldn't understand .."
then why not tell me so i could change???

then, few days later...
this friend got furious and shouted to the whole class. ==

i was shocked that i actually jumped. ><
then my mind was like " you told me not to be angry and now this? "

i really dun understand.
what gives a person reason to be angry?

My tear glands dried up.

Things keep happening recently.
good and bad they kept a cycle.
and people used to think its nothing but a natural phenomenon.

but for me, i've tried to see things at the 4th angle.
and i see things i never thought i'd see.
i see things that hurt being more superior to things that are happy.

i want to cry.
but i just cant.
because..
i have no tears left.

How should i think?

After reading Siao Wei's blog, i feel like putting up a post myself. =P

Today was the end of my last mid year exam..
without doubt, i still screwed it. ==
Now really is a critical situation.. i dun wanna end up CANNOT GRADUATE! >< *Nooooo* muz work hard and hard and hard and hard and hard and hard and.. *aiya understood de lar. lazy. ==*

i've actually been sulking for a time now..
and i dun really have a clue how to get over it. *sigh*
i've never been someone whos good at talking..
but is that a sufficient reason for one to be abandoned?

honestly i couldn't help to feel cold. and no matter how hard i try i cant start a fire to warm myself.
Loneliness creeps into me whenever i close my eyes at night.
It really.. driving .. me.. crazy.


to be truthful sometimes i wished i wasn't here in this world.

gonna grab some sleep. continue later. =P

Hmm.. Lonesome i guess?

wow.. 4 AM.. never thought that i'd get the chance to use the com at this hour..
its actually quite exciting.. XD

well.. SPM trial just finished.. and all i could think of is to take a break out of exams..
exams really kill.. lol..

been doing a lot of thinking lately..
since its Raya holiday..
i got stuck to animations again.. ahaha.. ^^V

guess what.. while having dinner at the restaurant today..
saw some guys having a fight..
not quite sure what happened..
but they sure were fierce.. ><

besides that..
i've read alot of articles about whats happening on earth..
or should i say..
happening TO earth..

using shower heads might cause you skin cancer..
eating fermentated food or drinks will cause cancer as well..

it makes me feel kinda depressed..
its kinda like there's no safe place anymore..
danger is everywhere..
and i do mean D-A-N-G-E-R..
well to be honest..
due to these issues..
i kinda lost hope to move forward in life..

im..

scared..

i think..

i wonder how other people get their courage and strength to move on..
how bad guys can commit crime without feeling guilty..
i really messed up my head huh? *chuckles*

oh yeah.. to think of it..
recently.. more and more couples showed up at school..
what im feeling is that..
time really flies..
im growing up without even noticing.. well.. i hope its not just physically.. ==
i wonder if im ready to take the next step..
but apparently i am not.. @@

hmm.. a lover huh?
i thought i'd never think about this until i graduate..
its kinda freaking me out..
but still..
that sounds good tho.. XD