a-haa.. ?

lol. today woke up real early. helped to prepare my sister's bento. and then it started raining.
something weird about it. is i start to feel sleepy when it started to rain..
so i went back to bed and sleep for 30 mins. and then when the rain stopped, i woke up. O_O???
and this continued for 2 to 3 times.. walao.. ^^v

there's quite alot that i want to write down. since it's been so long since i write.
but now im going to bed again. later only finish up this post.. a-haa..

是泪吗？

半夜一点，吃着超辣的韩国泡面。
的确很辣。

吃着吃着， 眼泪开始掉落。
可是我却不知道这眼泪是因为辣，还是另有原因？

P.S. 半夜三更吃东西，不肥才怪！！ =___=

i think it's time to have "less talk , more work"

不知道为什么，这几天都好颓废。
已经快要变成肉粽了咯我。。 =_=

不懂为什么，一直无法开心起来。
总觉得很不舒服， 没有办法痛快地发泄。

好几次我突然发觉我可以坐着好久的时间，就只在那里发呆。
不明白我到底怎么了。 *会有抓破头的冲动*

不过看来现在是时候不出声一阵子了。 *zipp*

so close. yet so far.

总觉得最近活得很没意义。
我知道自己的身体在思考，在凭直觉行动。
可是为什么还是无法让自己活出自我？
想哭， 可是哭不出。 =_=
想醉， 却怎么喝都醉不了。


为什么，明明近在眼前的东西。。
却怎么努力去抓也抓不到？

I cried.

how many.

how many fake smiles have i pulled?
how many forced laugh have i threw?
how many times have i lied to my own feelings?
how many times have i swallowed my hatred?
how many times have i said "oh im fine." when im actually deeply hurt?
how many times have i fell, but pretend as nothing has happened?
how many times have i been stab, but have to keep the prick in me?
how many times have i cried to myself?

i'll leave this blank..

Am i needed?
needed by who?
needed for what?
worthy for being needed?
allowed to be needed?