i think it's time to have "less talk , more work"

不知道为什么，这几天都好颓废。
已经快要变成肉粽了咯我。。 =_=

不懂为什么，一直无法开心起来。
总觉得很不舒服， 没有办法痛快地发泄。

好几次我突然发觉我可以坐着好久的时间，就只在那里发呆。
不明白我到底怎么了。 *会有抓破头的冲动*

不过看来现在是时候不出声一阵子了。 *zipp*

so close. yet so far.

总觉得最近活得很没意义。
我知道自己的身体在思考，在凭直觉行动。
可是为什么还是无法让自己活出自我？
想哭， 可是哭不出。 =_=
想醉， 却怎么喝都醉不了。


为什么，明明近在眼前的东西。。
却怎么努力去抓也抓不到？

I cried.

how many.

how many fake smiles have i pulled?
how many forced laugh have i threw?
how many times have i lied to my own feelings?
how many times have i swallowed my hatred?
how many times have i said "oh im fine." when im actually deeply hurt?
how many times have i fell, but pretend as nothing has happened?
how many times have i been stab, but have to keep the prick in me?
how many times have i cried to myself?

i'll leave this blank..

Am i needed?
needed by who?
needed for what?
worthy for being needed?
allowed to be needed?

Orz.

最近精神有点绷紧，造成整个人情绪不太稳定。

有了久违的想哭的冲动。。













脑海里想的还是你。。

...(想不出...)

刚才，去了一豪的追思会.
前面的一个小时半，　听了好多人的致辞，　眼睛一直湿湿的，
可是一直强忍着不让它流出来。。



可是，听了家杰的致词后，我眼睛都没眨，就流出两条泪痕。
还好没开灯，我一直盯着银幕，　泪水也一直滑落。

一毫，　又称“光头仔一豪＂．．
你最近好吗？








today was the day that you've been looking forward to.
that's why i didn't tell you how i felt and kept smiling.
because as long as you're happy, that's enough for me.