够了...

我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...我受够了...

我受够了...

*Pumped up, ready to berusaha*... * out of breathe* ... *tried to push on* .. * gave up*

... ok.. this post takes alot of courage to write. (of coz la, having trials still on the com.==)

recently, i don't know why. feel a little moody. although i know i shouldn't be coz exams are here.

i shouldn't give myself time to sulk. but i just can't. ><

keep having this feeling.
that i have so many things i would like to do.

but, can i really do that?

saw some people who became a celebrity by doing the things he / she loves, and enjoying it much.

do i also get the chance to enjoy doing the things i like?

it really seems so far.. *rolling on the floor crying. LOL*

feels like im out of battery.

becoz i cant find my charger! Grr..

see so many friends moving forward. while im still stuck here doing something.. err , "special" . ^^v

that really make me wanna scream out loud, but i couldn't. (coz i might get grounded for making too much noise)

even tried to change myself. but then when i do so things just do work out fine. @@

i kept thinking about what i might bcome in the future.

but there seems to be alot of cages and traps.

sometimes i really feel like complaining. ( ok, i know that i should'nt.. ><)

coz my parents keep restricting me from this and that and this and that and this.. ==

for example to not be able to have my driving license at this age.

ok. i know im only making a fuzz. but its just that there are things that can keep me motivated and things that pull me down.

and the ratio happens to 1:10 .. ==

i kept trying to make myself cheer up and recharge my heart battery, but got charger no plug.

the smile is always there on my face, but i dunno if its real. sigh.

ohh yea. now time to say the fun part. recently i've been practicing my japanese language skills with my sensei. wahaha. so much fun when we ALWAYS don't understand each other. LOL. XD

and then she told me that i was speaking in Osaka slang while she's speaking Tokyo slang. ^^v

This makes me wanna travel to Japan for once. TT

well.. trials are going to end by this saturday, yet so i'll have to be preparing for the real thing.

learnt that there are things to pick up and things to let go.

Lets see if i can do it right.

Peace people! =D

Desho??

ああ！watashi wa no baka desu!!

Kanashii... ==

我可以哭吗？Orz

最近，好多事情在发生。
所谓一波未平， 一波又起。

我真的开始失控了。
我真的不知道该怎么做。

心里想的一切一切，该对谁说？
心里的挣扎， 要怎么去抚平？

别人有不开心时， 我都会用心去对待，用心去听。
一心只想着 “只要你觉得好些，什么都不重要”。
可是，当我失落时，“朋友” 们去了哪里？
平时是讲得很好听，　让我相信了。
可是当我最需要一双耳朵时，　我的存在却消失了。
最搞笑的是，　我在难过的时候竟然还会不自主地去协助他人！！OMG!! ==


有时我在想， “朋友” 这个字是不是变装了的“敌人”？
总觉得每个人都只在为自己的利益着想。
那我不就是全宇宙最笨的那个？






说真的，我好想痛痛快快地哭出来。
然后我就能继续加油。
可是我忘了要怎么哭了。

Empty..

recently, got hooked up with The Click Five's "Empty"..
sometimes it juz feels like this song sings it all..

有时真的会觉得自己好像与一切脱离， 可是又不知道为什么会这样。
只要排除一切不好的情绪， 剩下的就只有空洞。

i got really annoyed..

haha.. shelvin said i've been putting her name in my posts and honestly i didn't notice!! ^^V
i guess that really shows her great charisma. ^^
and now im going to put her name here again.. XD
i got carried away by 晓薇的动力.. and things became easy for a short while..
but just moments ago i got really annoyed..==

dad says he's gonna bring us to shanghai for the expo.
but i said i didn't want to.

bcoz exams are drawing closer.. and i had the chance to be a compere in the english singing competition. people are expecting me for the 1st time and i was so looking forward to it.
but 5 minutes ago i was told that my flight ticket was booked and i have no choice but to go.
its really mind blowing.
i stated it clear that i didn't want to go.
but now how do you explain this??
does that mean you don't respect my feelings at all?
you said you've talked to me about this , yeah like that's true.
even if you did so, i reminded you that i didn't want to go yet you still booked my ticket, forcing me to go.. is this even fair??!!

i can understand that the expo comes in really rare, but my secondary school life comes only ONCE in a lifetime!!
telling me craps like " studying at home would be fine as well..", " its only for a few days.."
dang! then why did i had to go to school in the 1st place?
i might as well did home schooling!!

plus you sounded like its nothing , like i'll tolerate with you and do whatever you say. like hell i would .
and you even tried to throw your temper on me using my reasons for not going?
im not a robot born to obey orders!!


now what am i supposed to do...

Anger?

after seeing shelvin's comment i had the urge to come here again. lolx.
but juz moments ago. there's was an explosion between mah parents. ==
they argued and argued and argued and argue.. ( u get the point..)

then i really felt fed up.
you are actually fighting over the smallest thing in the world that shud be tolerated. ==
who knew that u 2 were the ones who told me not to get angry easily. WTH..

then, someone appeared in my mind.
there was this friend of mine, a friend who was once real close to me.
we started knowing each other since January.

we got close eventually.
helping each other out and sharing joy and hard times.
there was a lot of good time.
times which i cherish alot.

but then in an incident which i had totally no clue about.
we started to become like strangers.

there was once when we were trying to sort things out with the organizer of the inter futsal competition.
they way they do things was just too much.
so i decided to act like i was angry.
because i know the PIC dun really talk sense when things are pointed to him.

since then , we became stranger-like.

after asking a few times i was told that my temper was bad.
at 1st i was confused and started thinking what was the problem. and then i started to be more aware of my own temper lo.
i was taught to not get angry easily again.

and ever since, we din really talked. more like i tried to talk but all i got was an empty reply.
when i ask about the reasons why this happened, all i got was " you wouldn't understand .."
then why not tell me so i could change???

then, few days later...
this friend got furious and shouted to the whole class. ==

i was shocked that i actually jumped. ><
then my mind was like " you told me not to be angry and now this? "

i really dun understand.
what gives a person reason to be angry?